Curiosity
by Scecky
Summary: Crookshanks and Sirius want to find out just what is that noise? WARNING: Contents may disturb you. In a bad way.


The grey sky enveloped the gingery orange soda fur covered cat as he foraged around the seventh floor of Hogwarts Castle after the creamy Halloween feast

He was on the prowl again. Ever since Hermione had stopped jacking Flitwick off, he hadn't been allowed to sleep in his usual pit of midnight black stockings and skirts short enough to reveal the behinds of toddlers. He slunk down a brightened hallway, unable to see past the blinding light.

Crookshanks gazed up at him in awe. It was Sirius, the dog-man with whom he had cavorted with all last year! Sirius smiled down at Crookshanks, who then scurried towards him, rubbing up and down his dark, thickly-haired ankles and calves. Sirius reached down to scratch Crookshanks behind the ears. Crookshanks purred.

Suddenly, a painting in a shit-gilded frame screamed and fell to the cold stone creamy tiles. Sirius jumped panickedly onto Crookshanks's flat, matted and greasy head. He then screamed like a forty year-old crackwhore giving birth on the sidewalks of Hogsmeade.

Thankfully, Crookshank's skeleton had been replaced with one made of adamantium-- he was literally indestructible. He meowled. "Meowl!"

"Sorry, kitty cat--" Sirius began, but was cut off by another loud noise coming from another part of the castle. He quickly transformed back into his dog state.

Crookshanks took in the putrid perfume of the dog fur, now wildly aroused. His teeth chittered like a small frozen dog or maybe a skunk as he followed the outstretched tail further down the rocky corridor. They stopped at the painting and SiriusDog lifted it up with his morbidly obese nose that seemed to leak oil through its very pores, but whoever had been in the garden circus orgy scene had long since fled.

Sirius transformed back into human form, this time giving up getting dressed again out of frustration. His dick hung out like a huge cucumber made out of floam. "What the fuck was that?" he asked. Crookshanks gave a sort of "Fuck if I know" look. They both shrugged their hairy haunches and walked onward, towards the circumlocutional mainframe.

Suddenly, Sirius jumped in the air like a banshee, and his saggy rope-like fuckstick smacked Crookshanks in the face, leaving the vomit colored cat to stumble like a drunk fetus.

Crookshanks retaliated, attempting to bite of the dog-man's swollen babyrod. Thankfully for us girls, and Harry's tight asshole, he only got a nip in-- Sirius yowled and smacked Crookshanks to the floor. His Adamantium skeleton thudded on the paved groun.

Now with a dent in his shoulder, Crookshanks walked like a retarded, crippled octopus. He wondered vaguely what all the creepinesss going on was about, but wondered even more why the aged male child in front of him had turned into such a cocksucking asshole.

He didn't get to ponder any further, however, as he felt something tug violently on his cock-shaped tail, pulling him into a hidden corridor, blindfolding, gagging, and rubbing his belly. Sirius walked on, oblivious.

As Crookshanks choked back blood and cantankerous saliva, Sirius threw his trouser snake over his shoulder like a continental soldier where it wobbled to and fro. Now able to walk like a normal human being instead of a semitruck missing a tire, he turned the corner to find Dumbledore caressing his own bald butler and weeping like Jesus.

"Dumbledore? What's the matter?" he asked, approaching him slowly and trying in vain to cover up the glans of his anal impaler with his hair. Dumbledore looked up, startled, and shot his wad all over Sirius's handsome, stubbly face. "UAAAANNNGGGH!" he groaned emphatically, milking every drop of baby batter he could out of his man-hose into a puddle on the floor.

In the puddle Sirius saw a big red dog and Cho Chang, but when he looked around all he saw was a glaring nothing and the pervert moon that Sirius was convinced was watching him in the shower. He wondered where the hell that dog came from and heard a bark behind him. He turned like a jewelry box ballerina but there was still an aching silent emptiness behind him and Dumbledore hadn't stopped tweaking his fetus feeler. Maybe it was all in his pretty little head, but not the one on his love weasel.

Sirius began to stroke his cum pump in concentration. What the hell was going on? He didn't even know. He watched in absurd fascination as his ten-foot meat bat grew to the size of a hundred year-old oak trunk. He laid it out across the floor and massaged his cum cannon, enlisting the help of Dumbledore. They used the puddle of elderly man-milk as lubrication.

Just then, an obviously booby-trap-prop eight ton stone fell two feet from Sirius's body, severing eight feet off his tapioca sprinkler. Dumbledore laughed with glee, picked up the poon prod and began flogging his own back with it joyfully. Sirius watched in terror as the old man was drenched in the blood spraying out of his salami with enough force to mildly irritate the eyes of a blind kid.

Sirius cast a quick regenerative spell on his jizz syringe and it regrew to its former glory and size. Swinging the whore thermometer back over his shoulder, he noticed something-- where had his feline friend gone to? did it have to do with those mysterious noises they had heard earlier? the suspense was killing him! Patting his yogurt slinger lovingly, he ran back to retrace his steps, leaving Dumbledore to gleefully play with his severed meatsicle.

Meanwhile, the hideous dented cat was having his ass hairs being pulled out clumps at a time. He heard a gentle clicking of a spinning wheel behind him, but could not move his metal-plated head enough to see. Occasionally he felt a hesitant hand go to his twenty-first finger before quickly pulling away at the feeling of his acrid urine.

Sirius finally heard the silent click-click of the spining wheel. Transforming into a shaggy black dog with a huge, erect sperm chute, he snuck into the hidden corridor.

The suffocating blackness enshrouded him so heavily he was sure he'd died. He heard a deep, mysterious voice address him. "Head back from whence you came, Sirius Black. You are not needed here", it told him.

"FUCK YOU!" he tried to shout, but it came out in dog-language instead. He transformed back into his human form. "FUCK YOU!" he shouted. The mysterious figure then began to unravel its shroud, revealing a tight little anal birth cannon. Spewing rotten vegetables, tomatoes, potatoes, pickles, onions, kelp, cheese, et cetera, onto Sirius's manly brawn face. Sirius smacked his back with his beanpole and all of the compost fell off, scattering around his feet like an array of worshippers.

Who could it be, rubbing Crookshanks's belly so thoroughly while confiscating his thick undercoat for yarnmaking? Sirius transformed into dog form and back into human form in thought. Of course! Hagrid! "Hagrid, you sly dog!" he yelled, transforming into dog for and beginning to hump the half-giant's gigantic leg. Oh wait, that was his huge, half-giant sperm spitter!

True to its name, the bald-headed giggle stick began to spit sperm onto the walls, glowing in its radioactivity. Hagrid's engine cranker started trying to buck Sirius off until it was light enough to see the man's total hulking ham-like form. Crookshanks was shocked. He didn't know that GINNY had such a huge holy poker! The small redhead punched Sirius in the face with her knee and fled like a paint-covered gnome in a classical music ballet recital, kipper ripper dragging behind her.

"That was fucking bizarre." Sirius said. Crookshanks nodded in agreement. "And suspenseful." Crookshanks nodded again. "Sorry you lost your ass hair, buddy. It'll grow back." Crookshanks nodded yet again. "Until then..." Sirius said, grinning devilishly and transforming into dog form. Crookshanks hopped onto his ass, grasping his dog-torso with his furry orange love paws, and began humping. The night wasn't so bad after all.


End file.
